


Broken Measures

by BryceWrites



Series: Broken Measures [2]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Abuse, Broken Measures, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Juice takes in a stray, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Series, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4245783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BryceWrites/pseuds/BryceWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelsi's been living with Juice for almost two weeks. They get along great together, but with her ex recently escaping his holding cell at the police station, she's in a fit of wrecked nerves. Jax and Happy have been sent to watch over her, but she's less than thrilled to see the meanest looking biker since Clay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Measures

I sat alone in Juice’s house. The couch was firm, but comfortable and I’d fallen asleep on it half a dozen times in the last two weeks, since I’d moved in with Juice. He liked to stay up late watching movies and while I did too, I hadn’t been allowed to stay up past 10 since I’d gotten with Danny. If I thought about it, it’d been almost two years. Two years next month, actually. I was realizing that no matter how much you wanted to, it was hard to break patterns.

The house was safe for me though. I hadn’t been here long, but the thing I’d adjusted to the quickest was moving around the house how I liked. Juice and I worked well together. He cooked one night and then I cooked the next, and whoever didn’t cook did dishes. We hadn’t planned it that way, it just seemed like it always played out that way. And it was nice to go to the fridge and get food whenever I wanted it, instead of having to ask permission.

The thing that had me worried right now, at almost one in the morning, was that Juice was gone. He’d left with a bunch of others from the club to look for Danny. Clay had filed charges for me against Danny, as he apparently had more influence with the police then some rundown girl did. I’d had to go down to the station and let a police officer and a nurse look at the bruises I’d still had at the time, along with my previous injuries that had already healed.

All the nurse had to do was pull my record at the hospital to see all the ER trips I’d taken without Danny knowing and she confirmed my story. I knew I was lucky. I’d heard stories of women who got away from their abuser and he never got any jail time, never saw the inside of a court room, or continued to harass them. But with the club’s pull, they’d picked Danny up within the next 24 hours after that.

But he’d somehow escaped his cell at the station he was being held in. Nobody had seen him or heard from him. He’d gotten out almost 48 hours ago and someone had told me the longer they’re out, the less likely they are to be found.

I was horrified, if I was being honest with anybody. The thought that he could be within a block radius of this place and not know where I here was terrifying. Juice had told me not to leave the house. I wasn’t allowed at work, I wasn’t allowed to get groceries; he told me I couldn’t even check the mail. I still didn’t have a car, so it wasn’t like I could go very far anyway. Juice’s house, although still in town, wasn’t exactly down town close to anything interesting.

So I sat on the couch with the curtains drawn. I could’ve turned the TV on or read a book, but my mind was flying a hundred miles an hour. Juice had left me with one of his nine millimeter pistols and showed me how to work it, but I hadn’t fired a gun since I was back home in Georgia, almost ten years ago. I didn’t know if I could still even work one.

A knock on the door sent my heart into my throat. I stayed still, hoping whoever it was would go away. I heard the knob jiggle, like whoever was trying to get inside. My hand closed around the handle of the gun with shaky fingers.

Another knock made me whimper a little bit and pray they’d just leave. “Kelsi, its Jax. Open up.” Jax called from the other side of the wood.

I almost sighed in relief, standing up and going to the door. I unlocked the deadbolt and the knob, still carrying a death grip on the pistol. “Don’t fucking do that. You almost fucking died.” I told him firmly.

He reached down, taking the gun in one hand and my hand in his other, pulling my hand off the gun. “You’re fine darlin’. Don’t think you need this for a while.” He told me.

“S-sorry.” I said, smoothing my hair back out of my face.

“This is Happy. He’s been out of town for a week and a half at one of the other charters.” Jax told me, directing my attention to the mean looking Hispanic behind him.

I paused. He was older, probably close to Tig’s age. His head was shaved bald, but the peach fuzz sticking up was salt and pepper in color. His brown eyes were set and unwavering, and he seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face. He was absolutely the scariest looking member in the club I’d met so far, second only to the club president, Clay. “Hi.” I said meekly, feeling like his stare might punch me in the face on its own.

“Heard your Juice’s old lady.” He said, coming into the house and scanning the room like there might be armed men positioned around the kitchen and living room.

“His… what?” I asked, looking at Jax.

Juice had tried his best to catch me up on the lingo I’d never heard before, but I was slow to the draw. And because I didn’t have the club mentality, some of it didn’t even make sense to me. I’d learned there were rules. If church was in session, you didn’t knock unless the building was on fire or a wife was dead. And women absolutely were not allowed in at all, period. Croweaters were at the club house every night, but they weren’t allowed to paw at the married men, or less be kicked from the clubhouse. This, I had learned.

Jax shrugged, looking around like he’d never seen the house before, despite the fact we’d had him over for dinner just three nights ago, right before everything fell apart. “An old lady is a wife or girlfriend of a member.”

I nodded, looking back at Happy and shaking my head a little. “We’re not together.”

“Right.” Happy said, his words dripping with sarcasm. “You know how to use that piece?”

I stalled out for a moment, my brain trying to catch up with his words. “Oh, the gun. Yeah. Yeah, I shot all the time back home.”

“Where are you from, anyway?” Jax asked, leaning to sit on the back of the couch.

“Georgia.” I told him, rubbing the back of my neck. Of everything I wanted to think about, home was directly above being backhanded by a man with a heavy ring on. My fingers found the long thin scar on my cheek that was three weeks old.

“Does Juice know that?” Happy asked, leaning on the couch the same way Jax was.

I nodded. Juice and I had learned a lot about each other in the last two weeks. He didn’t know everything about me and I didn’t have much intention to tell him it all, but he’d told me how he couldn’t protect me if he didn’t know me. So we’d spent the evening getting drunk and then he introduced me to weed for the first time. It had bothered me the first time. My face felt tingly and my fingers wouldn’t stop moving, but my chest was light and I didn’t know why, but I’d giggled a lot. We’d spilled a lot of stuff that night.

“Who taught you to shoot?” Happy asked.

I rubbed the back of my neck again and looked around the room like there would be something else I could direct the conversation towards. I hated questions like these. “My dad did.”

“Bad memories?” Jax asked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pack of cigarettes before handing it to Happy and lighting his. Happy took one and held the pack out to me. I hadn’t been smoking that much lately. Juice went through a pack in three days and I was still working on the pack he’d given me the day he’d kicked Danny out of the clubhouse.

“Nobody’s old man is perfect, mine included.” I told him, taking the lighter from Happy and sucking on the smoke before letting it out of my lungs. “Are you guys hungry or thirsty? I’ve got brews, whiskey, pizza.” I said, moving towards the kitchen so I didn’t have to look directly at them anymore.

“Yeah, a beer please.” Jax said and Happy nodded. I grabbed two. Handing Jax his was easy; he’d helped save my life and I’d forever be in his debt. And despite his similar appearance to my most recent ex, his attitude and moral compass was exactly the opposite. Handing one to Happy was a little harder, because every time he jerkily moved his hand, I’d wonder for a brief second if he was moving towards my face.

“You alright?” Happy asked.

“Y-yeah.” I told him, handing him the beer quickly and moving back towards the fridge, sucking on the smoke.

“Darlin, ya look tired. Maybe you should try to sleep. We’ll watch over ya.” Jax told me.

“I’m fine, but thank you for the concern.” I told him sincerely, looking him in the eye from across the room so he knew I meant the truth. And although I trusted Jax, and Happy was part of the club, I wasn’t comfortable falling asleep with a stranger in the house.

“Don’t look like you’ve slept in a week.” Happy said bluntly, making me turn to him.

“His words are harsh, but he’s actually concerned too.” Jax told me, like he was translating another language.

“I’m fine, thank you.” I said sharply, making sure to look at Happy.

It was the snippiest I’d been since Juice had moved me in. I was still adjusting to being around a lot of guys, and people that cared. Juice and I went back and forth, but my bond with him was much different than the bond I had with any other guy. Chibs was never really snippy with me, only ever lightly teasing me and although Tig could give a hardcore tease like you’d never seen, I still wasn’t sure around him. He could never slow his movements, always reacting strongly to anything happening around him, making it hard for me to be in the room with him.

Jax smiled, looking over at Happy as he sipped his beer. “She’s fine, Happy.”

“She’s a fuckin’ liar.” Happy said, his face forever expressionless.

I turned away from him, Danny’s words floating around my head.

_‘You stupid bitch, don’t fucking argue with the man of the house.’_

_‘If you speak up one more time, you’ll be more black and blue than white.’_

_'What the fuck are you doing? You’re a piece of meat, not a man. You can’t fucking think for yourself.’_

I shook my head, throwing the cigarette butt in the trash. I glanced around the room, locking my eyes on the window above the sink, across from the fridge. The tree outside the window, a small willow, was blowing in the gentle breeze of the late night. I felt like I had to anchor myself on something or I was going to slip away. Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew both men were watching me. But Danny had never hit me for this action, because it meant I wasn’t bothering him with my incessant complaining.

The willow swayed back and forth, and I thought how strong it was. Everyone in the world could tell this tree that it was stupid, useless, pathetic, worthless. But it didn’t matter. The tree still stood strong and unyielding.

A hand touched my shoulder and I yelped, tripping over my own feet to get away from the man. My chest heaved as Happy stood over me, his face twisted in worry.

“We tried to talk to you, but you wouldn’t answer.” Happy told me.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I said, feeling like I couldn’t catch my breath as I tried to push myself against the cabinet. How desperately I wanted to melt into the wood and paint and never be seen again.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.” He told me slowly.

I nodded, almost frantically. “I know. I’m sorry. You just scared me.” I said quickly, just trying to get the words out of my mouth.

Slowly, he squatted down in front of me. I could see Jax from behind Happy’s shoulder, still on the couch, but watching intently. I didn’t like Happy being so close to me, it made my chest tighten. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” He told me quietly, but firmly.

I bit my lip, feeling my eyes tear up. As much as Happy made me fearful, I knew well enough that a member of the club would never hurt me. I’d hate the see what kind of wrath Clay unleashed on anybody who even thought of such a thing. I nodded, taking a shaky breath. “I know. I know that.” I told him, bringing my knees up to my chest. “I can’t… I can’t help it.” I said, burying my head in my legs as the tears spilled over.

I heard Happy move and I felt the pressure of his arm against my side. Another moment and there was the clinking of Jax’s wallet chain hitting the tile before there was pressure on my other side. “It’s alright darlin’. It’ll take time. But we’ll get you better.”

Panic enveloped me and I shook my head quickly. “No. I can’t. I’m gonna be this broken piece of shit for the rest of my life, worthless except to cook.” I said, my voice cracking.

“Kelsi, listen to me. You’re not worthless. The best thing about being broken is that there’s a way to fix it.” Jax told me, leaning into me.

“Have you ever seen a broken mirror?” I asked him.

I saw Jax shake his head out of the corner of my eye. “Nah, darlin’. You’re no mirror.” He told me, gently moving a strand of hair out of my wet eyes. “Mirrors are fragile, easy to break and impossible to reassemble. You’re like an engine.”

A tilt of my head gave me a better view of his face. “What do you mean?”

“An engine is strong; it puts out enough horse power to pull a loaded trailer, enough torque to rip tires off the rims. But every once in a while, something in it breaks. Sometimes it’s easy to repair, sometimes it’s a bitch. But no matter what it’s doin’ or what broke, there’s always a way to fix it.” He told me, wiping away a wandering tear.

I cracked a smile, wondering how a fuck up like me ended up with the nicest biker dudes on the planet. I scrubbed at my face, erasing the rest of the stray water. “You guys are too good to me.”

Happy nudged me from the other side, a small smile on his face, the first expression I’d seen from him. “I told you I was concerned.”

I cracked another smile, leaning into him a little. “You’re pretty scary though.” I said quietly.

His eyebrows drew together in confusion and he looked at Jax, around me. “Why does everybody think I’m scary?”

Jax chuckled loudly. “You’ve got a fuckin’ scowl on your face from the moment you wake up. If I didn’t know you, I’d hate you meet you in a dark alley.”

I nodded a little, looking back at Happy.

“Shit.” Happy said, like he genuinely had no idea he constantly looked pissed.

“Have you guys heard from Juice?” I asked, looking at Jax.

He shook his head. “He called me to say he’d found a lead on Danny, but he wanted somebody over here with you. Happy and I were the only ones in the clubhouse.”

I nodded, looking back at the tile. “He’s good to me.” I mumbled, feeling the need to actually say the words out loud.

“He’s a good kid.” Happy nodded.

“I think you’re good to him too, darlin’.” Jax said.

I shrugged. “I just kinda here. I don’t do anything for him.”

“He’s better since you got here.” Happy spoke.

I looked at him. “Better how?”

“Kid’s always had problems. He doesn’t flinch like you do, but you can tell he got his ass whooped a lot.” Jax told me.

“It’s in the eyes.” Happy explained.

“He seems glad to just have you around.” Jax said.

I looked at the back of the couch, out across the room. “Nobody’s ever been glad to have me around.” I said quietly, remembering how I’d been the youngest child of three with two constantly distracted parents.

“We are.” Jax told me firmly and I knew he could see me slipping away.

I nodded, leaning my head back on the cabinet to look up at the popcorn ceiling.

Motorcycles were heard down the road, making me look towards the door. I could always tell the sound of Juice’s Dyna. He’d told me how he’d tweaked the exhaust so that it had this kind of whistle that was slightly different than the rest of the club’s bikes. I’d never really understood it, as I didn’t know much about motorcycles, but I could tell his was different.

Three bikes pulled into the driveway, turning off almost in sequence before the front door opened. Juice scanned the house before finding the three of us on the kitchen tile. His face turned to instant worry. “What? What happened?”

“I kind of fell apart.” I said quietly.

Bobby and Half Sack stood behind Juice as he moved closer to me, falling to his knees in front of me, concern in his eyes. “What happened?”

“Happy spooked me and I freaked out. He just barely touched me and I had all these… bad memories.” I said, shaking my head, trying to make sure the tears wouldn’t well up again.

“It’s okay.” Juice said, gently touching my cheek so I’d look at him again.

“I’m sorry.” I told him, feeling helpless.

“Don’t be sorry. You’re fine, alright? It takes time to heal.” He spoke quietly. I nodded a little. “C’mere.” Juice said, holding his arms open. I crawled across the tile and into his arms. He held me tightly against his chest and I felt safe again. “There’s different degrees of broken, different measures. Nobody gets better overnight.” He told me kindly.

I nodded, remaining silent for a moment. “Did you find him?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah, yeah we did. That’s why I rushed home. Tig and Chibs have him tied up at the clubhouse so we can talk to him.” Juice told me.

I nodded. “Yeah, okay. You should go.” I told him, pulling away from him.

“But you need me.” He spoke.

I smiled at him, touching his shoulder. “And this is how I need you.” I told him softly.

He watched me for a long moment before he nodded. “I’ll be back as soon as we’re done, alright?”

I smiled. “I’ll be here.” I told him, moving to lean back against the cabinet.

“I’ll stay with her.” Happy spoke from my right side.

“Good. I want to rip this guy’s head off.” Jax said, jumping up from the tile and moving towards the other four bikers.

Juice looked back at me, silently asking me if this is what I wanted; for him to leave. I nodded with a smile. “Go on. Happy’s got my back. And if he scares me again, I can shoot him.” I joked with a small smile.

Jax, Bobby and Half Sack chuckled loudly while Juice smiled. “Make sure it’s where he’ll bleed a lot.” I nodded, although I had no worries about needing to shoot Happy. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” And with that, Juice headed out the door with the other three members.

“Still scared of me?” Happy asked after Bobby had closed the door behind him.

I bit my lip. “Only a little.” I told him honestly.

He nodded. “Better than I was ten minutes ago.” He said, standing up slowly, which I appreciated, and holding his hand out for me. “Make popcorn. I’ll get a movie.”


End file.
